>Have I mentioned how far behind I am on stuff? Like really far behind. Like still working on printing my blog book from 2009. Like trying to do a few posts a day in the hopes of getting it done before 2010 closes and I’m another full year behind.
Anyhoo–I just imported a blog post from exactly a year ago today and it went a little something like this:
MOMMY GUILT5 weeks away from another total life change. Not just for us this time, but for Kennedy. I can handle whatever a new baby throws our way, but I worry if she can as well. I have convinced myself that she’s a toughie and that she will roll with the punches the way she has with everything else she’s encountered in her short 23 months with us. I hope I am right.With Bean, I counted down the days praying she would arrive as early as possible and still be healthy. I just couldn’t wait to meet her. This time, however, I’m much more patient. I hope that’s not a slam to the little one inside me, but I feel like I need to soak up every last second I have alone with Bean before her life is forever changed and she’s forced to share my love and affection. I agonize over every moment I have to yell at her and every tear shed from those baby blues. I don’t want any second of these last 5 weeks to be anything less than simply awesome. I’m not totally without perspective. She seems genuinely excited for a baby sister and I have no doubt that the joy of having each other as they grow up will far outweigh any negativity along the way. “The longest relationship you’ll have in your life is that of your siblings”. I’m incredibly thankful that John and I are lucky enough to be able to provide this opportunity for Kennedy. This coming from an only child who used to grill my parents to tell me the god’s honest truth about the twin sister they must have forgotten at the hospital…because it was just too cruel to let me go through my childhood all alone. But for the moment, I’m sitting at the computer thankful she’s finally asleep. Though not without tears in my eyes thinking of the ones that filled hers as she most likely passed out from the pure exhaustion of crying too hard as I left her alone in her room.
It’s so interesting looking back on how I felt about all this. I worried about absolutely nothing. McKenna has brought such joy to Kennedy’s life in the past 10 months (and vice versa). I could not have asked for a sweeter bond between the two sisters. It’s not lollipops and rainbows 24/7…but those few moments are far outweighed by the countless times of day Kennedy insists on giving McKenna a hug and a kiss (on the mouth), soothing her by whispering “it’s ok, McKenna, I’ll take care of you…” or by walking past her, stopping to turn around, hug her out of the blue and say “you’re my best friend McKenna, I love you.” Kennedy throws her toys in the backseat of the car when she thinks McKenna is bored and is always on the lookout for small objects she could choke on. McKenna can’t display as much, but it’s clear how much she adores her big sister by the way she cranks her neck in the car to just stare at every move Kennedy makes and will crawl across the floor like superwoman to tug on her leg and gaze up at her with pure love and awe.
How lucky they are. I pray they always cherish that relationship they way they do today.