>Mommy Guilt

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5 weeks away from another total life change. Not just for us this time, but for Kennedy. I can handle whatever a new baby throws our way, but I worry if she can as well. I have convinced myself that she’s a toughie and that she will roll with the punches the way she has with everything else she’s encountered in her short 23 months with us. I hope I am right.

With Bean, I counted down the days praying she would arrive as early as possible and still be healthy. I just couldn’t wait to meet her. This time, however, I’m much more patient. I hope that’s not a slam to the little one inside me, but I feel like I need to soak up every last second I have alone with Bean before her life is forever changed and she’s forced to share my love and affection. I agonize over every moment I have to yell at her and every tear shed from those baby blues. I don’t want any second of these last 5 weeks to be anything less than simply awesome. I’m not totally without perspective. She seems genuinely excited for a baby sister and I have no doubt that the joy of having each other as they grow up will far outweigh any negativity along the way. “The longest relationship you’ll have in your life is that of your siblings”. I’m incredibly thankful that John and I are lucky enough to be able to provide this opportunity for Kennedy. This coming from an only child who used to grill my parents to tell me the god’s honest truth about the twin sister they must have forgotten at the hospital…because it was just too cruel to let me go through my childhood all alone.But for the moment, I’m sitting at the computer thankful she’s finally asleep. Though not without tears in my eyes thinking of the ones that filled hers as she most likely passed out from the pure exhaustion of crying too hard as I left her alone in her room.